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Lost: The Art of the Handshake

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Posted By: seamusm, 12/31/2024 2:45:37 PM

Why do so many people not know how to shake hands properly? In my life, I have occasion to shake many hands of all different ages and classes, and am astounded how strange hand-shaking has become. It can be jarring. The handshake is the greeting we give to a new person entering our lives, however briefly. The handshake is supposed to convey some measure of delight or interest in meeting someone new. But the handshake seems to be a lost art, perhaps because parents don't teach their children how to shake hands properly. They need to.

Comments:

While the author is correct he has missed the MOST important part of the handshake. That is to look the other person in the eye. Otherwise they are like the person who is constantly scanning the room looking for someone (other than you) more important to talk to.

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Reply 1 - Posted by: hurricanegirl 12/31/2024 3:04:59 PM (No. 1864310)
I think this is a cultural thing, and some people definitely don't get it. As a female who shakes hands firmly--at least with those I don't want to hug--I find that men in particular don't know how to shake women's hands. The last offender just grabbed my fingers and shook them. Since I have a tendency to go at things in a straightforward manner, I typically correct people on the spot and have them shake my hand again--the correct way. That's probably not good manners, but I've never met anyone who acted offended, when I said, "Oh, come on! You can do better than that!" And, lastly, if you're not sure if an older person has arthritis, just assume that they do and apply GENTLE pressure.
15 people like this.

Reply 2 - Posted by: mc squared 12/31/2024 3:06:01 PM (No. 1864311)
Thank you. My worst shakes are the 'fist bump' (popularized during covid) and what I call the 'ghetto handshake'. Usually offered by younger people trying to be hip. I keep my hand out until they realize I don't reciprocate that one
10 people like this.

Reply 3 - Posted by: sunset 12/31/2024 3:54:08 PM (No. 1864325)
My father taught me to shake hands. Consequently the question comes up if I'm a Mason.
6 people like this.

Reply 4 - Posted by: JHHolliday 12/31/2024 4:01:38 PM (No. 1864328)
I got taught the proper way by my dad, ex-army Lieutenant and a stickler for manners. Firm, full hand but not too strong. This isn't an arm wrestling contest or show of strength. If the other person is elderly or female...just light pressure or almost none if you suspect arthritis or frailty. I am probably pre-judging but, if I am offered a limp noodle hand by a man, I tend to write them off. They could be fine fellows, just never taught the proper way but I find it hard to get by that handshake.
10 people like this.

Reply 5 - Posted by: Axeman 12/31/2024 4:28:24 PM (No. 1864339)
I can feel the bones of a hand and the tendons around them and know how much pressure is right. Some hands, even of young men, I know I could easily crush, I don't. Very few people catch me with a surprise grip any more but one 80+ man could easily match my grip. We had a lot to talk about. On this subject, anyone ever notice how BH0's hands are built? He doesn't look like he could stand much of a grip with a bend or twist to it. Long, thin, narrow mid-bones.
7 people like this.

Reply 6 - Posted by: Californian 12/31/2024 5:03:13 PM (No. 1864345)
I was happy when Covid effectively ended the handshake with random people. Prior to that I had to shake the hands of random business people every day. Gross. I've seen this same class of people leave public bathrooms without washing their hands. Not even Gd knows what's on their filthy hands they just smushed into me. I'd be quite happy if no one ever shook hands again.
3 people like this.

Reply 7 - Posted by: PostAway 12/31/2024 5:19:51 PM (No. 1864351)
Reading this I remembered that Trump is a germaphobe. I’ve often wondered what it takes out of him to glad hand constantly in his political life.
1 person likes this.

Reply 8 - Posted by: udanja99 12/31/2024 5:39:17 PM (No. 1864361)
Amen, OP. I don’t trust people who won’t look me in the eye when we’re speaking. I guess that my parents must have taught me how to shake hands when I was very young because I can’t remember not knowing how. Mine is firm but still gentle and I hate wimpy handshakes.
7 people like this.

Reply 9 - Posted by: RobertJ984 12/31/2024 5:42:33 PM (No. 1864362)
Now it's the "bro hug". If someone starts to lean in on me, I tell them I'm not queer, and get away from me
5 people like this.

Reply 10 - Posted by: Luandir 12/31/2024 6:52:21 PM (No. 1864390)
Largely a casualty of the lockdowns, methinks.
1 person likes this.

Reply 11 - Posted by: Sorosisbehindit 12/31/2024 7:08:12 PM (No. 1864394)
The creepy handshake that I get is from some men who grab my four fingers, instead of meeting the web between the thumb and index finger. I am not sure why they do it, but I am sure it is because I am a woman, and it feels dismissive. I will admit that lately I do the wave in church, because the flu map shows Louisiana as purple.
0 people like this.

Reply 12 - Posted by: Sergeant Major 12/31/2024 8:01:36 PM (No. 1864406)
I was taught, at an early age, to never shake hands while sitting down. Hence, I stand up when someone comes in and shakes my hand. (Had to apologize to my Doctor once when I was bedridden.) The second thing I was taught was to only shake hands with a lady if she extends her hand first.
10 people like this.

Reply 13 - Posted by: 4Liberty2020 12/31/2024 10:01:14 PM (No. 1864454)
#3 Post, I, too, was taught by my Dad. He taught his 3 daughters and one son how to shake hands the proper way, a weak fish handshake was never tolerated. My Dad was from the deep South and when we visited our grandparents in Alabama, you had better have proper etiquette when you greeted them or sat at their dinner table. Even today, you can go to these rural areas and have folks open the door for you, tip their caps in acknowledgement and look you in the eye and say hello, something that I find missing in NH.
5 people like this.

Reply 14 - Posted by: SweetPea3 1/1/2025 4:27:26 AM (No. 1864506)
My daddy taught us how to shake some one's hand as well. I detest and refuse to do those dumbbell fist bumps and idiotic high fives. I love it when high fivers miss and smack each other in their stupid faces.
1 person likes this.

Reply 15 - Posted by: LadyVet 1/1/2025 4:48:33 AM (No. 1864511)
As a short woman, I wish we could all go back to handshakes instead of hugs. Hugs are only for family and good friends. Keep your distance from me. I don't like a hug from someone taller than me, especially much taller. And more especially, a tall stranger. And if you are a man, don't try to shake my hand if I don't extend mine first. As a female, I sometimes exercise my perogative to not stand.
1 person likes this.

Reply 16 - Posted by: DiegoDude 1/1/2025 5:49:42 AM (No. 1864520)
I make it a point to look a person in the eye and shake their hand when meeting them.
1 person likes this.

Reply 17 - Posted by: Strike3 1/1/2025 7:46:50 AM (No. 1864553)
Not to rain on his parade but teaching children to punch properly is a more useful art these days.
4 people like this.

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Why do so many people not know how to shake hands properly? In my life, I have occasion to shake many hands of all different ages and classes, and am astounded how strange hand-shaking has become. It can be jarring. The handshake is the greeting we give to a new person entering our lives, however briefly. The handshake is supposed to convey some measure of delight or interest in meeting someone new. But the handshake seems to be a lost art, perhaps because parents don't teach their children how to shake hands properly. They need to.
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