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Don’t make fun of
renowned Dan Brown

The Telegraph [UK], by Michael Deacon

Original Article

Posted By:supersid, 5/12/2013 1:20:34 PM

Renowned author Dan Brown woke up in his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house – and immediately he felt angry. (snip) The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.”

Comments:
Delicious. h/t David Frum blog

      


Post Reply  

Reply 1 - Posted by: Susannah, 5/12/2013 1:29:46 PM     (No. 9322942)

Thanks for posting this; it´s priceless. There are a lot of funny lines, but I lost it at "market-leading British rhymester John Keats."

I tried to read "The Da Vinci Code" and gave up: lousy prose, stick-figure characters, and an insanely convoluted, incomprehensible plot. Why is stuff this boring so successful?

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Reply 2 - Posted by: mitzi, 5/12/2013 1:36:09 PM     (No. 9322955)

Renowned author Dan Brown probably won´t find this funny.

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Reply 3 - Posted by: bullhead, 5/12/2013 1:40:27 PM     (No. 9322958)

Funny! Thanks for posting. If I had any previous notions of reading Dan Brown, I have none now.

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Reply 4 - Posted by: Doc Obiwan, 5/12/2013 1:40:29 PM     (No. 9322959)

No, #2, he won´t. But we did!

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Reply 5 - Posted by: bamapreacher, 5/12/2013 1:40:50 PM     (No. 9322960)

If an ape with a typewriter managed to write an anti Catholic/Christian novel it would automatically be a bestseller given the number of American liberals.

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Reply 6 - Posted by: StormCnter, 5/12/2013 1:57:11 PM     (No. 9322978)

Agree with earlier posters. Thanks for putting this up. I read "The Da Vinci Code" because everyone was reading it and wanted to talk about it. Getting through that book was like walking through molasses. I finally finished it and felt my time had been wasted. I won´t go near any subsequent (or prior) Brown books.

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Reply 7 - Posted by: Hazymac, 5/12/2013 2:07:51 PM     (No. 9322996)

My thanks to the esteemed OP for some quality entertainment.

Although he sells his tomes to the Lofo public like nookie to sailors on six month shore leave, Dan Brown no can write. I´m not certain whether Michael Deacon´s tongue is planted solidly in his cheek like a granite monument´s foundation or is fluttering free in mockery like a streamer in high wind. It seems to be both.

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Reply 8 - Posted by: Jennie C., 5/12/2013 2:07:53 PM     (No. 9322997)

Da Vinci was just okay. I had read Digital Fortress before I had even heard of him as renowned. I enjoyed it, I think partly because, unlike most mysteries, I figured it out before he was ready to tell me. Made me feel smart. Doesn´t happen often.

I enjoyed The Lost Symbol.

All that being said, this article was hilarious

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Reply 9 - Posted by: bigfatslob, 5/12/2013 2:11:48 PM     (No. 9323008)

Too funny and M. Deacon nails it.
Dan Brown is a clown and deserves to be mocked.

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Reply 10 - Posted by: Daisymae, 5/12/2013 2:12:03 PM     (No. 9323009)

No kidding, a friend gave me "Angels and Demons," every chapter Mr. Brown felt the need to explain again what anti-matter is. What a sanctimonious, overbearing and condescending idiot.

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Reply 11 - Posted by: Catherine, 5/12/2013 2:13:54 PM     (No. 9323012)

I actually read this sentence in a book a few months ago: "He blinked loudly." Seriously. No Joke. He ´blinked´ loudly. Brown writes entertainment for the masses and does a good job. The critics are just jealous.

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Reply 12 - Posted by: M2, 5/12/2013 2:15:00 PM     (No. 9323016)

Fun. Especially,

His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears.

Wow. What a recommendation...

Never having read a word of Brown´s books, I´ll assume the article is written in Brown´s style of writing. If that is indeed the case, perhaps I was right not to read them.

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Reply 13 - Posted by: Quigley, 5/12/2013 2:16:24 PM     (No. 9323020)

Very very funny.

I read the da vinci code to see what all the hoopla was about. The book was on par with lil teleprompter: for the Gullible Class to get excited about.

For some reason i read a lot of digital fortress. So silly really.

There´s nothing there. Maybe its good for a red eye where you´re too tired to actually read anything.

This article is much better than any of the books. It´s really curious as to why he sells so well. Just a fluke, like to hoola hoop probably.

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Reply 14 - Posted by: ramona, 5/12/2013 2:22:08 PM     (No. 9323034)

What a treat - as pleasurable as a breezy ride in a classy convertible! From a treasure trove of mischievous delight, here´s a line that jumped out at me: "He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket." And almost better than that for the not-so-subtle irony: "His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears."

We have plenty of talented writers/thinkers here, and I would rank Poster #7 right up there with Mr. Deacon.
Ramona (the Pest)



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Reply 15 - Posted by: farmwife, 5/12/2013 2:35:00 PM     (No. 9323055)

Just because a writer makes a lot of money, doesn´t mean he is a great writer. Or that he has some sort of right to be taken seriously.

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Reply 16 - Posted by: Susannah, 5/12/2013 2:42:08 PM     (No. 9323074)

Back when The Da Vinci code was a huge bestseller, a lot of professional writers (novelists) were getting phone calls from their agents and editors saying: "Write me the new Da Vinci code!" And the novelists were all replying: "But I can´t write that badly."

A bookseller told me that her customers who bought the book identified as lapsed Roman Catholics who wanted to get the down and dirty on their former church. Pathetic.

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Reply 17 - Posted by: Heraclitus, 5/12/2013 2:52:37 PM     (No. 9323084)

Hilarious!

Especially like the paragraph FTA: "The critics said his writing was clumsy... They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as ´His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.´ They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5´9" man. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. **It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket.**"

Can´t imagine wasting time on anything Brownian.

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Reply 18 - Posted by: Hobbiest, 5/12/2013 3:49:40 PM     (No. 9323148)

Never read it but I am always amused by the cottage industry it sprouted over Knights Templar nostalgia and Rosslyn Chapel. There were enough spendthrifts in the Sinclair family tree that any treasure left in their custody would have gone to wine, women and fast horses ages ago.

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Reply 19 - Posted by: thelmalou, 5/12/2013 3:59:12 PM     (No. 9323163)

That is one of the funniest things I have read in a Very Long Time. On par with our beloved Iowahawk.


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Reply 20 - Posted by: alaskaal, 5/12/2013 4:43:41 PM     (No. 9323217)

What a great read! Much more fun to read than Dan Brown´s stuff.

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Reply 21 - Posted by: jackburton, 5/12/2013 4:44:57 PM     (No. 9323220)

I read the DaVinci Code but only because so many (idiots) I knew read it and bought its premise that the divinity of Christ was set at the council of Nicea.

Read the Gospels. Jesus raises the dead saying ´talitha cumi´? Stills the waves? Forgives people their sins?

Brown has a brain but it doesn´t work.

Give me Patrick O´Brien, Bernard Cornwell or the like.

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Reply 22 - Posted by: Delilah, 5/12/2013 4:58:47 PM     (No. 9323231)

I´m a serial reader, reading at least 3 books a week so of course I read all of Brown´s up to now. They´ve gotten so gory that I refuse to read his latest. And this article is hilarious. It made me LOL.

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Reply 23 - Posted by: Rather Read, 5/12/2013 5:28:21 PM     (No. 9323255)

The DaVinci Code was taken from Holy Blood, Holy Grail and both books are sheer dreck.

I love to read above all things, but no way will I open a Dan Brown book. He isn´t even a good bad writer.

BTW, this column was a hoot. Loved it.

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Reply 24 - Posted by: trackman999, 5/12/2013 5:47:58 PM     (No. 9323275)

Brown´s books are for people that don´t read books. They are like comic books without the illustrations.

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Reply 25 - Posted by: Udanja99, 5/12/2013 5:54:32 PM     (No. 9323287)

My reading group read DaVinci Code when it first came out. Being the only Catholic in the group, they all jumped on me, at which point I loudly reminded them that the book was FICTION. It´s astounding how many people thought it was real. 0bama voters all, probably.

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Reply 26 - Posted by: StuartL, 5/12/2013 10:21:40 PM     (No. 9323546)

The Lord does work in mysterious ways. Now I know why, a decade ago, I wasted most of a summer weekend on The Da Vinci Code (wondering, page after page, “Could this thing possibly get any more thumpingly awful?” -- It could, and it did).

It was so that today I could click over to the Torygraph and spend the next quarter-hour chortling like a loon. Look to your laurels, Iowahawk! Deacon’s send-up of Brown’s style and erudition is pitch perfect -- right down to the “sculpture by [post-Renaissance painter] Caravaggio” and the “portrait by [late 19th-century sculptor] Rodin.”

Sadly, many of the British comments are distinctly anti-Deacon. Brown is defended, earnestly and fatuously, by posters whose prose is every bit as graceful and eloquent as his own – with one splendid exception: “´I would wish to purchase, by means of monetary money, a tome by the renowned journalist Michael Deacon,´ thought the man with a thought as fast as leopard sitting astride a Harley-Davidson Bonneville.”

At least I hope it’s an exception.


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Reply 27 - Posted by: Daisymae, 5/15/2013 6:14:31 AM     (No. 9327802)

My son gave me the Da Vinci Code to read and I have to admit it was entertaining until the very end...it was as if Dan Brown had painted himself into a corner of the basement and had to come up with a villain--all respect lost at that point--what a hack.

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