Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Gratitude: We don't need to know the name, but we would like to know where to send a large floral arrangement to whoever it was that leaked the sealed court papers outlining Michael Jackson's "charming" behavior toward the boy who sued him in '93. It caused Jackson to rethink going on 60 Minutes and kept reporter Ed Bradley cooling his heels at the Neverland Ranch. This spared us all more of Jackson's freaky shuck and jive. For those of you who missed Living with Michael Jackson on the first icky go-round, VH1 will air it three times beginning this Saturday at 9 p.m. EST.

Y2K Redux: We hope you didn't ditch the sacks of granola and long burning candles you stockpiled for Y2K (what was that all about anyway?) because the gang over at Homeland Security says you might need them. Now they want us to pick a room in which to gather as though we all live at Versailles and might get lost. We here at LCom Headquarters have chosen to duct tape the windows and huddle together in the Petit Trianon - in other words - the john. At least there may be running water and we can read to each other from Igor's back issues of Juggs (we love their features.)

Material Churl: Following a movie a judge would have to order most to see and calling her recent homeland "a dump," Madonna celebrates her arrival back on our shores by making a violent antiwar video in which she hurls a hand grenade into a fashion show. We haven't seen it so we don't know what her point is exactly but we do know she's just the latest candidate for the Jane Fonda Hall of Fame.

O'Rourke Rules: In a piece we are afraid you might miss because they may not put it online, P.J. O'Rourke in the now most excellent Atlantic Monthly calls BJ Clinton a "knight of the manure shovel" and a "gas pudding." The rest of this very long and hilarious piece entitled "The Bill Show" is equally as vivid and well worth springing for the hard copy of the magazine. Check www.theatlantic.com, however. They may get around to posting it sometime this month.

Orange Alert Pony Under The Pile: New York's Orange Alert (go know NY has been on an Orange Alert since 9/11) has had at least one positive consequence - a federal judge has told the peaceniks that a large moving demonstration planned for this Saturday is a security risk and has dispatched them to a dog spotted park near the UN. Afterward they might want to go home and duct tape their windows. Terrorists won't discriminate.

-Your Permanently Alert LComStaff