Don't Do Me Like That: Esquire magazine has scored an interview with failed congressnoid Gary Condit in which he blasts the media, Connie Chung and anything else handy for wanting him to say he "did" Chandra Levy. A somewhat seventies coinage, no?

The Sound of One Hand Clapping: Was there anything in the news yesterday quite as ludicrous as clips of the dems gathered at their annual pep rally? Each speaker in turn shrieked at George Bush about the economy and threw themselves against the political candy story window as the Dow shot through the ozone layer. The prize for pure self-delusion, however, goes to Hillary Rodham Clinton for saying, "I'm not in the blame game."

Legal Double Whopper: Jonathan Turley has an excellent piece in the Houston Chronicle this a.m. on the attempt to "tobacco" fast food. Looks like the "hot coffee in the crotch" gambit didn't fly - now this. Was anyone struck by the fact that when the miners surfaced and could have anything edible in the world brought around, they begged for Burger King?

Death Rattle Tango: James Traficant made one last desperate swing around the media center ring yesterday starting with a phone call to Imus who doesn't mind the use of the "F" word or the "S" word on his show. Not so Crossfire host, Bill Press, who apologized for the blue air. Here's a piece on Mr. T's last ditch efforts to stay out of the slammer.

Nets Wanted Nine for Nine: Sources on the scene tell us that cable and alphabet producers were crouched like lions at a zebra rave waiting to grab every miner sucked up out of the Pennsylvania ground Sunday night. Word is that near fist fights ensued, not between the producers but between the miner's families and over eager and unsentimental network "get" jockeys. Here's a story re Katie Couric getting caught in her own little guest problem. From the looks of the press conference yesterday afternoon, someone clearly got to the survivors with their requested "chew." Three of the five were well supplied.

-Your E-mail-Informed LComStaff