Short Cuts

Monday, March 03, 2003

Torture Time? The weekend apprehension of al Qaeda next-to-Mr. Biggest Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was good cause for international high-fives. It seems, at the last minute, money talked and his neighbors turned him in. His capture sent TV producers scrambling for anyone around on a bleak Sunday night who could comment on the use of torture. The general consensus was "of course, we don't do it." What they don't say is that with friends who do, we don't have to.

Insert Yourself: The often out of work and always lugubrious sports-nerd Keith Olbermann seems to have found a way to get out of producing a book for the Murdoch organization. He is claiming outrage at Murdoch's New York Post for printing a false rumor that pitcher Sandy Koufax was gay. Only Olbermann's excuse doesn't work and, according to publishing sources, neither did his ability to write to book in the first place. Howie Kurtz reports his disingenuous gesture.

Capturing Kalid: The NYTimes has a pretty good tick-tock on just what went down in Rawalpindi this weekend when operatives moved in on the sleeping hirsute henchman. We particularly liked this quote from a woman at the house about one of his colleagues. She said he was there because he was "slow, of below-average intelligence," did not pass junior high school and is unable to hold a job. Guess they can always count on family when the guys in black knit hoods come calling.

Pay Back Time? Cindy Adams recounts all the terrible things that have happened to notorious private eye Anthony Pellicano and how, essentially, the U.S. Attorney has put the gumshoe out of business. Few are upset. Pellicano might, however, in his time of need, turn to one of his most notorious clients, one Hillary Clinton, who found more than one female to sic the detective on before, during and after the Monica wars. Perhaps she could put in a good word with the feds?

O Three, O Three, O Three: The long rumored date for America's liberation of the suffering Iraqi people was to have been around 1 a.m. last night - 03-03-03. The moon was dark, the weather was cool, the troops were psyched and we were good to go. It didn't happen. Igor, who had picked that date and time in the office pool, is out a case of Spam. It's okay. We will just sit here and wait.

- Your Anticipatory LComStaff