Short Cuts

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Nobody Moved The Cheese: So angry he nearly flipped his fig mousse, Jacques Chirac brought the dinner with EU members to a frosty finish as he stood up at the table, waved his arms about and screamed at each head of state not to take the American side on Saddam. This account gives several quotes by heads of state but the best was the calm statement by Tony Blair when he leveled his gaze at the freaked out froggie and said: "There is no intelligence agency of any government around this table that does not know that the government of Iraq has weapons of mass destruction." One assumes dessert was eaten in a somewhat awkward silence.

Hart Burn: With all the war kafuffle, we missed this jaw-dropping bit of bigotry from none other than liberal retread and monkey-businessman Gary "Go Ahead, Follow Me," Hart. In a speech to the snooty Council on Foreign Relations, he lashed out at groups he said had "confused loyalties." When pressed to name them he fumbled around in his pea-sized brain and came up with the Irish and Cuban Americans. Wiser heads said later he clearly meant the Jews but was too chicken to say it. Times are tough enough. Who needs this kind of claptrap?

King-Size Embed: The Pentagon has come up with the revolutionary idea of "embedding" journalists among our fighting forces in actual combat. The media seem hopefully encouraged by this action but may not have thought it through. Instead of room service and an open bar at some Camels R Us Hilton, they will be crawling on their bellies wearing hazmat suits and eating MRE's with the troops. They will not have their own vehicles so hot-dogging around the desert in a rented Hummer is out. No more pitching the wounded out of ambulances to make room for camera crews as Christiane Amanpour was rumored to have done in Mogadishu. And, one hopes their pathetic begging of producers to bring them home on satellite phones doesn't water down their copy.

Jacksoned Out: Is there anything more we need to know about Michael Jackson? All told, the networks gave us four hours last night with 2 more to come later this week and VHI will run three more during sweeps. Now we know he lies, has dreadful taste and the pity of Elizabeth Taylor, Uri Geller and some rabbi whose hair is considerably younger than he is. Last night a lady plastic surgeon proclaimed his an "end stage nose." Can we now apply that to his personal life altogether?

-Your Storm Tossed LComStaff