Tuesday, February 04, 2003

Today's Double Must Read: If you do nothing else for yourself and those dying brain cells numbed by Columbia coverage for the last three days, read Jeffrey Goldberg's New Yorker analysis of what the blazes was going on in the Middle East that got us so blind sided by September 11. Goldberg, no relation to anyone on this site (more's the pity), did the definitive piece last year on Saddam's gassing of the Kurds - this one is even more important. Don't go to war without it in your head.

More Jew Than You: The question most Jews ask when faced with some new and startling event is, "Is it good for the Jews?" This new political development can only elicit a shrug and an "Eh, maybe." According to the WaPo's disher Lloyd Grove dem candidates are tumbling over their latkes to claim a Jewish family connection. A word of caution to other candidates looking to get into this kugel throwing contest - shopping at Loehmann's doesn't count.

Brown(ed) Off: Somehow CNN's supposedly premier anchor didn't get the memo that said that when a huge story breaks you suit up and show up. The LATimes reports that when the Shuttle Discovery vaporized Saturday morning, Aaron Brown was playing golf at the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic at La Quinta in Palm Desert and sent word that he not only wouldn't suit up but he couldn't. He didn't have the right clothes. Does anyone wonder why their are wisps of CNN feathers sticking out of the Fox's mouth.

Another Nutball Speaks Up: Hunter S. Thompson, the aging father of gonzo journalism and living proof that man can survive for years without a liver, showed up at a peace rally of Aspen millionaires to declare George Bush a yo-yo and a dunce. He will only know he was actually there if he reads this item on Page Six.

Someone Stop Him: Warning. This interview with Michael Jackson the New York Daily News picks up from the London papers should not be read with anything but an empty stomach. Sample: He ran home with his newborn daughter when she was still covered with placenta. He donated his sperm to produce the now famous Balcony Baby. He likes to sleep with a lot of little boys and says it is not sexual, it is "charming." Nowhere in this repulsive interview does he mention liking to sleep with little girls. We've always thought LA lawyer Gloria Allred was a camera-hogging whack job but she wants him brought up on charges. We're changing our mind about her as of now.

TV Note: Michael Jackson's best friend, the nearly decrepit Elizabeth Taylor, showed up on Larry King Live last night with her dog, some cheap Indian jewelry and tales of how her first husband liked to (direct quote) "Beat the s*** out of me." She, with the assistance of her millionaire -dollar- a- minute press agent Warren Cowan, lifted her booted broken foot onto the table and talked about how she broke it falling at the White House. When fearless journalist King asked if photographer Herb Ritts had died of AIDS, Taylor shot him a savage (and hypocritical) look and refused to answer although later she stated her entire life is now devoted to promoting awareness of the disease. You had to be there.....then again, be grateful you weren't. Here's the transcript if the Jackson story hasn't made you have to go lie down.

-Your Not Easily Grossed Out LComStaff